wah wah wah.

i'm itching to get out of here. i know i've been in the same place for too long because i start to get depressed and really nostalgic about all the awesome places i've been. the weather is beautiful here right now and i think of the beautiful days i spent in barcelona, sitting by the mediterranean or shopping on the cute little (smelly) streets, or at parc guell... or the few days i got to spend in paris, florence, rome... etc. etc. it just makes me so sad that that experience came and went so fast. and now i'm stuck in the hum drum of everyday life. i go to school and i work, thats it. i know there is something to be said about settling down, working a steady job, and starting a life. but right now, thats not what i want. but my dreams succumb to practicality and here i am.

i also wonder when love became a formality.

i don't want to run away. i want to take you with me.

i haven't been feeling too great today and i took some sinus medication. but the non-drowsy stuff always makes me feel weird like i'm on some sort of high. but mix that with me just feeling emotionally miserable and you get a weird mix of introspection and depression/happiness. haha. is that possible?

i don't want to be at work today. having this door open is not enough. i need to be outside. feeling like my life has a purpose, enjoying beautiful things. riding a bike. i don't even feel like eating lunch, thats how crummy i feel (this never happens). i need a pick me up. and studying for this test is not it.


i am so lost its not even funny anymore.

blessed when you lose your own identity.
blessed when you find it and it has been redeemed.