sleep to dream.

my nana passed away. as expressed in my previous post, it was expected. we'll be having a "remembrance" ceremony in august in california. my job won't give me bereavement til after a year so i'm going to have to take it unpaid. at least they'll let me go...?

she died alone. in her sleep, i guess, though she was sleeping most of the time anyways. my sister had a weird dream about her dying and my sitto [who passed away last year] was there too saying "come on jackie [my nana], its time to go." and it was the same night, very close to the same time i imagine, that she passed... so weird.

i wanted her to be in my dreams. when those i love pass, i beg and plead that they will visit my dreams so that i'll have a chance to say goodbye. but it wasn't me, it was my sister. i think she really liked my sister better and i got to see my nana in march whereas my sister didn't. lol. people still play favorites in the after life...

does that sound weird? that i want dead people to be in my dreams? my sitto and giddo are in them every once in awhile but they never seem real, just faint memories. i've heard of other people having dreams of their dead loved ones and i think its a beautiful and real thing. maybe our minds could concoct something so fantastical but i'd rather think they can visit us in our dream. to give us peace and understanding and to let us know they're better off... i dunno maybe i'm smoking crack.

so i really want to try and blog more, blog better. but there's like a total of zero people who read this and when i know no one is reading it, i lose my motivation. wah wah wah. hah.