that last post was really emotionally driven. i don't want people to get the impression that i've abandoned jesus altogether. i haven't. and i certainly haven't abandoned god ... in a sense. i just get so fed up with the dumb stuff that people say sometimes and what christianity has been made out to be. i'm sick of the hip christian churches and the "deep" spiritual conversations that are in reality so shallow. and the fact that if i'm a christian, thats what i'm stuck with. i'm stuck with some people who believe dancing is bad and others who believe drinking is bad and others who believe birth control is bad and others who believe god predestined everything but also others who believe we have free will. and a christian institution that emotionally hurts people and can't even operate on biblical standards. and leaders who use people for sex but continue to preach from the pulpit. and people like me. walking contradictions to what a christian should be, who don't care enough to change it.
what are people to make of that? if i can't be a shining representation of christ, at least someone who is trying, then i'd rather not be one at all. because i can't. because i don't have a reason to. because if i'm going to be anything, its not going to be fake and i'm not going to pretend.
honestly, i don't know where i stand in the scheme of it all and i am okay with that.
i hope that i don't hurt anyone personally with saying these things. sometimes i write things to secretly do that (nehhhh i dont...) but this is not one of them.
next post will be more light hearted?
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4 comments:
well, at least you're blogging again.
This is EXACTLY what I have been trying to tell people I think for the last year... thanks for putting the words down.
Lindsey, im so happy your questioning this stuff, thats how you learn and its comforting to know that at least one person in this world strives to be real. Truth is, I think everyone has different opinions and are sometimes way to self-centered to even listen to others thoughts, which makes them want to carry on even further to make there point right. Maybe thats not true for all people but it sounds like you've been alittle hurt and criticized for even questioning God. I personally think its great to question, that's how you find what you personally think. Goodluck girl, and keep blogging! I love the way you write. :o)
bones are broken and the will is sunk.
how did everything get so fucked up?
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